I am having such mixed feelings about stuff going on in college.
I don't know if I made the right decision or not. But the point is, I MADE the decision.
I removed every thing else. just to focus on my college stuff. Didn't join the competition.
Didn't go for youth camp.
Didn't go to church.
The last two things that I didn't do is probably the worse part.
It's making me feel really bad for not making time for everything else, while other people took the effort and risk to do all those. and in the end they still succeed in doing it.
Makes me think how easily I gave these things up and how bad my time management is. I once said, I can do this. I can make time. But in the end, I just. couldn't.
Being a perfectionist sucks. And what's worse, following my principles, I gave up and at the same time I drag the whole group along. I feel quite bad for them. even though I think the extra time that we have now can be used to rest and catch up with some assignments. I hope they can understand.
What. the. hell. is.
my purpose.
my priority.
The moment I broke down. The whole world analyses what I've done. what I've failed to do. and they look at me with pity.
the hell.
Learning comes from mistakes, failures, errors.
I also dont know what to think about anymore.
I want to be happier.
"Turn back to God and rest in him."
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